As your Giraffe partner, I’m going to ask you the four questions that deeply interest Giraffe-speaking people around all relationships, but particularly intimate ones.
Please write down your answer to each of these four questions.
The first question: Would you tell me one thing that I do as your partner or friend that makes life less than wonderful for you?
You see, as a Giraffe I don’t want to take any action or say anything that doesn’t enrich your life. So it would be a great service if, any time I do something that isn’t enriching your life, you bring that to my attention.
Could you think of one thing that I do –or don’t do- that makes life less than wonderful for you?
Write that down.
Now the second question.
As a Giraffe-speaking person, not only do I want to know what I do that makes life less than wonderful for you, it’s also important for me to be able to connect with your feelings moment by moment. To be able to play the game of giving to each other from our hearts, your feelings are critical and I need to be aware of them. It’s stimulating when we can be in touch with each other’s feelings.
My second question then: When I do what I do, how do you feel?
Let’s move to the third question.
As a Giraffe-speaking person, I realize that how we feel is a result of what our needs are and what is happening to our needs. When our needs are getting fulfilled, then we have feelings that fall under the heading of “pleasurable feelings” — happy, satisfied, joyful, blissful, content… When our needs are not being satisfied, then we have the kind of feelings that you just wrote down. So this is question three.
I’d like you to tell me why you feel as you do in terms of your needs: “I feel as I do because I would have liked ___________ (or because I was wanting, wishing, or hoping for __________________.)”
Let me know what needs of yours are not getting met.
Now the Giraffe is excited because he wants to get on to this next question, which is the center of life for all Giraffe-speaking people. I can’t wait to hear the answer to this. Everybody ready for the big Giraffe question?
I am aware that I am doing something that is not enriching your life and that you have certain feelings about that. You’ve told me what needs of yours are not getting fulfilled.
Now, please tell me what I can do to make your most wonderful dreams come true.
That is what Giraffe is all about: What can we do to enrich each other’s lives?
What can I do in response to what you have written for the first three questions?