Feeling rejected

This is one of the main staples of the Jackal universe.
We interpret certain actions of others as rejection of our own person.
Bad bad bad.

You do not want to be with me

Marshall: And this person’s needs were in conflict with yours. This person was saying, “I have other needs right now, other than to meet your needs.”

Participant: Right, and logically I could understand that, but in my heart…

Marshall: In your head you could understand it, but you have the pain in your heart because you heard what?

Participant: I heard, “You don’t want to be with me.”

Marshall: Yes, you did the all-time Jackal trick: you heard a rejection.

That’s how to make life really miserable. When somebody’s needs are in conflict with ours and they say, “I’d like to do something else right now rather than to meet your needs,” you hear that as saying that they don’t want to be with you.

That’s how to make sure that you feel like P.P.P.P.P.T. Piss poor protoplasm poorly put together. You have nicer language, you say “pain in my heart.”

I must confess, I have been known to wear Jackal ears when I hear a “no” myself.
It’s very hard to put on Giraffe ears when you hear a “no.”

Excerpt from a workshop with Marshall Rosenberg

Notice that “You don’t want” is an interpretation, not an observation. We can never KNOW what it is that another person wants. We can trust them, but we cannot know for sure – we are not inside of them.


Hear the Yes behind REJECTION

I would really like to feel accepted, even if you say No to my request.
Would you be willing to help me understand, what could help me to get that feeling of acceptance?

Hear the Yes behind the NO

A helpful element would be to hear the Yes of the person that says No. Every No is a poorly communicated request, in fact – even if our Jackal ears tend to tell us otherwise. So translating the imaginary NO into a YES can alleviate the pressure on our soul and create more space for self-empathy as well.

Do you enjoy better to meet your needs without me being around?
Do you enjoy making your choice freely,
who would best meet your needs for friendship/love/business relationship/conversation partner/etc.?