Jackal ears:
If I am a member of “their group”, I may hear these words as blaming me and my whole group for a feeling of hatred for the other group.
There is something wrong with hating people. People should not hate others. Especially not those who have done so much for them and who have good intentions. They should love them and be thankful!
If my ears tell me that meaning, I am bound to be very upset and angry. I might answer with passion:
“Of course we hate you! After all the things you have done to us. We will never forgive you. And you will have to pay back for all the suffering you caused for us.”
Giraffe ears:
If I am a member of “their group”, I may hearing this expression as a request,
“I would like them to not hate us. We are asking for acceptance. Love may be too much, but acceptance would be nice. We are good and valuable people.”
If I can hear it in this way, my feelings are more of curiosity and I can stay in a compassionate mindset and offer empathy – even if the person in question has caused me harm. I can offer empathy – but I do not HAVE TO. It can be a choice. Another choice may be to express with honesty how I feel abou the request.
Empathy might be like so:
“I am curious to learn more about how you know that we hate you. Is there one special thing or event that you would say demonstrates perfectly that feeling of yours?”
This question comes from a real curiosity and trying to connect to another, who has come to their evaluation through some observations, some events or words that might have been painful and brought them to that conclusion.
Giraffe honesty might be like so:
I guess you would like better relations between us. What in my behaviour would you like to see change, so that you feel we would have a better relationship?
Rather than to use words such as acceptance or even love, I would prefer to try to use a lower profile approach – make relations better. Deesclating the chips on the table. I feel that enhances the chance of those words being of connection rather than of disconnection.
The second part aims to hear something about a strategy that might be alive in the other person. Hearing this might be of help in connecting to the underlying need, which is what I would really enjoy.
Remarks:
Remember to observe your practice of hearing often.
Chances are that reactive jackal hearing is the norm.
Noticing this is the first step.
Awareness of jackal hearing offers the opportunity of connecting to my needs in the jackals.
That is why the first step is to observe my own practice of hearing.
You might check on a specific case of hearing after the fact and ask:
“How did I take the words? Could I shift my hearing to giraffe? What would I hear then?”
Each time you do this counts.