How to thank a person in Giraffe, who made a drawing we liked.
Key differentiations
Respecting authorities vs. fearing authorities
Cause for our feeling (need) vs. stimulus for our feeling (concrete action, trigger)
Time codes
- 00:00 Jackal: “You have done a fine drawing.”
- 00:48 Giraffe: “Please evaluate me in a way, that helps me to respect authority, but not to give my power away to authority.”
- 01:34 Participant: “It is about the act – not about the colors or the composition of the drawing.”
- 02:55 Participant: “I would like to say better than just saying ‘It’s a fine drawing.’ ”
- 03:22 Some possibilities
- 03:27 feeling relieved and glad, met my need for participation, seeing you draw with the others
- 03:49 enjoyed colors, met my need for liveliness
- 04:05 Instead of “fine drawing” telling about my feeling and need, the person is more open to see that another person may have a different feeling and need, and they may be learning about their own feeling and need more easily
- 04:41 Teacher hear “I liked what you did.” as “You did a good job.” Marshall enacts this in a dialogue.
- 05:10 When people have been trained to give authority the power to define what is right and what you have to do, it is very hard to get people to hear you as a human being. But worthwhile, seeing the terrible consequences that can arise from this attitude.
- 06:08 Participant thinks that she is responsible for the painful feelings of another person. Marshall models a giraffe – jackal dialogue around this challenging key differentiation.
- 06:51 “You can’t hurt me or disappoint me or make me angry.” What?
- 07:58 Marshall shares his Giraffe insights with psychotherapy colleagues and gets diagnosed as a narcissist.
For different section from this workshop – see here.
Notes
fear of authority vs. respect of authority
feelings based on actions (stimuli) vs. feelings based on needs/values