Educating pupils (who are beating each other) to resolve their conflict peacefully, with the help of third siders, in particular Giraffe mediators. Strategies used: the calming use of force, giraffe hearing and pulling the jackals on their ears to help them hear feelings and needs of the other conflict party.
Time Codes
Screaming in Giraffe and Creating an Empathy Support Network
- 00:06 A teacher wants to know how to deal with a situation where two pupils get into a violent fight. How to be angry in Giraffe?”
- 00:36 We learn how to scream in Giraffe and we create empathy support networks for ourselves
- 01:36 Hard transition from Jackal to Giraffe system, because Jackal uses punishment and reward for motivation and the connection to internal motivation needs to be healed.
- 02:25 Marshall recalls a TV recording at a school with a record number of fighting pupils
Mediating Between Fighting Pupils
- 03:25 Marshall models how to handle two pupils fighting with Giraffe mediation
- first – intervene to stop the physical fighting and establish conditions for dialogue (Marshall illustrates this by firmly grabbing both jackals by one ear)
- second – the Giraffe mediator hears one jackal with giraffe ears
- 04:18 third – Marshall moves to the second pupil and ask him or her to say what feelings and needs they heard from the first pupil. He needs to pull this jackal on the ear – it may take five or more tries, to actually get the person to reflect back the feelings and needs of the first party.
- After that the process is repeated for the other conflict party
General Applicability of Giraffe Mediation
- 04:48 Marshall applies this mediaton process between individuals, but also between groups: he names landowners and immigrants, Palestinians and Israelis, Croatians and Serbs
- 05:30 The Giraffe process of mediation is applicable on all levels of human conflict.
- 06:01 Peer mediaton – We teach the kids the process of mediation
Reconnecting with What Kids Wonder About
- 07:18 Marshall is curious what children are wondering about and asks them: “What do you wonder about?” The sister of Ruth Bebermeyer worked as a teacher and asked her pupils the same question. She collected the most fascinating answers from her kids and Ruth Bebermeyer made a song of this.
- 09:06 Marshall sings ‘”I wonder …” by Ruth Bebermeyer
For different sections from this workshop – see here.
On the Use of Power/Force in Giraffe
Interesting moment – Marshall grabs the ears of the two fighting jackals – illustrating how a teacher might be acting in order to stop two red-hot fighting pupils and to create the conditions for mediation. This physical intervention is mirrored later in the process, when he asks the other conflict party to reflect the feelings and needs and they instead bring on their own problem, rather than reflecting the feelings and needs. He then interrupts and keeps making the same requests – persevering – and doing so in a rather respectful and nevertheless firm way.
I see some people think of “violence” in a rather unrefined way. Gun violence, physical beatings … all of that is covered by a blanket judgment of “violence is morally reprenhensible at all times”.
For one thing Marshall was clear about what he called the “protective use of force”.
Nevertheless, I am not sure if he could not have been more clear in his explanation of what the essence of such a protective use of force could be. Especially in parenting, many parents argue that they can force their kids to brush their teeth or similar things, they consider to be of utmost importance for their physical or psychological health. Other giraffe parents put the bar for protective use of force very high. Some giraffe parents may get into laissez-faire, which is not really giraffe – but a kind of carelessness.
Similarly, we have two nations at war. How would a giraffe lead a war?
I would say it is always about the ultimate intention of those who fight. If an army only wants to fight, in order to get back to a dialogue and to protect their own territory and people in this territory, according to internationally accepted borders and rules – then I would see it as a giraffe fighting army. It really wants to reconnect to the other side, but the other side may have lost inner connection and may be under the influence of some wrong perception, or under the influence of greed or hate.
Any intention to overthrow and subjugate another party is not in harmony with my values. On the other hand, a purely defensive fight where a party tries to stop an invader and does not wish to harm the other party, aside from what is needed to defend one’s home or territory, is in harmony with my values.
So – when it comes to stop two fighting kids – it would be the intention that matters. I can step in between the two kids, if this is physically meaningful – or – I can stop them at the point of a gun. As police would often try to stop people at gun point in dangerous situations – but where they do not aim to destroy life, but they aim to support peaceful living and re-establishing order.
In general, using force or power with the intent to bring people back to a situation, where dialogue is even possible. This can be many strategies – from rising the voice to a much higher level than normal to physically restricting a person in their movement. Here it is not what forceful means are used, but with what intention they are used. A person blind with rage needs to first calm down and we must protect the enviromenment from destructive action.