What makes the idea of power and control so attractive for so many of us ?
Probably because power and control seem like what we are missing, in many situations, where we do not get what we would like. So we start to think about what we can do to get what we need, even if another party is clearly not wanting to fulfill our wishes. The whole concept lacks respect for the value I carry in me, that another party does what I would like willingly.
So aside from not meeting the need for respect and choice of another party – I also betray my own value to respect the freedom of choice, the respect of a No of another party.
I just listened to a radio play on femicide in German and was touched by the tragedy and the lack of skill to communicate about this exact fact. A man kills his ex-girl friend, after she separated from him. This man lost touch with his need for his partner to freely chose him. Would he really appreciate his girl friend or wife, if she would be with him by force? And would he respect and appreciate himself, if part of his life would include forcing his intimate partner to be with him? I really don’t think so. And – how sad – that in so many situations – because of intense pain – we seem to lose touch with our need for others to do what we want from a free will.
This applies to intense love relationships between partners – where we speak of possessivness and jealousy, this applies to parent – child relationships, this applies to political situations, relations between countries or nations.
Radio play in German – About femicide – “Mein Schatz“